So, I'm going to get real which'yall. So brace yourselves for the real raw Elena.
Over the past week the idea of "journaling" has been brought to my attention on several different occasions. Its a great creative outlet for INFJ's like myself, so I thought - no better way to get my thoughts out there then to blog. So I pray that this post helps someone out there - but in all honesty, sometimes you just need a space to just say what's on your mind.
I right now, am in a particular season of uncertainty. Like raw, directionless uncertainty. I have never been in a season like this, for this long of a time.
This past Sunday at church I sat there completely unprepared that the sermon would impact me in any specific way - but oh boy did it hit me hard. My pastor was basically talking about how its important to reflect on past miracles and to always be aware that we live for a miraculous God. (or at least that's how I was interpreting the sermon) She brought up the story of the Israelites and how Pharaoh finally let them go after years and years of being enslaved because of 10 crazy plagues, and then God had led Moses to bring them straight to the Red Sea.
Like - God led them to the Red Sea...... with nothing to get them across the sea.... just thousands of people standing in front of a massive sea.
I feel like if you've grown up a Christian (or watched Prince of Egypt; seriously one of my favorite movies) you've heard this story a MILLION times. It almost makes you numb to the miracle that happened. If you don't know the story - after God leads them to the Red Sea - Moses lifts up his staff - and the sea parts, a wall of fire protects them from the Egyptian soldiers trying to capture and kill them, and the sea stays parted totally until they can all cross and safely make it to the other side. They then are free - and continue their journey to the promise land. Of course my pastor continues on to explain the story and encourage us with the fact that God ultimately has a plan for us and He can use moments in our lives to show how He is miraculous. Even if the situation we're in seems impossible.
Since i've heard that story a million times, I never put myself in the shoes of the Israelites when Moses brought them to the Red Sea, but I feel like I can relate to their fear because of the situation I'm in (except not as dramatic as a Pharaoh freeing me from slavery).
I feel like the Lord has led me to my Red Sea in life. I feel like everything that has been happening to me over the past couple of years has ultimately led me to this place and I literally don't know where to go from here.
I know one of the key points in her sermon was to reflect on past miracles, because we live for a miraculous God, but again, i'm going to be honest - its hard to remember miracles when you're literally staring at a Red Sea.
I have never been so stressed out with life as I have been now. I literally woke up at 4 this morning because I couldn't shut off my mind and ultimately decided maybe I should take this opportunity to journal. Have you ever been at that place in life? It's a strange strange place to be. It has been this roller coaster of emotions, and I guess you could say that ultimately my faith muscle has been in over drive working out.
Now don't worry - i'm not in any danger or mentally ill. I'm just in a season where change actually needs to happen - and its not, and I 100% don't know how its supposed to change.
So ultimately I guess i'll take her advice and remember the miracles in my life, because I have seen them happen. I'm not going to lie - its hard trying to remember them in this season, but I have seen them. I do live for a God that has changed my life completely and I am so thankful that He loves me and that no matter what - He is able to do the miraculous. So i'm encouraged with that.
I would love to know if you have been in this place before and what got you out of it? Leave your comments below - because I would LOVE to read them!
If any of you read this post and make it this far - if you think of me - say a prayer. I could really use it!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read!
Love you all